I am not generally good at planning ahead or thinking before I speak, or write for that matter, which is why I have to be in Awareness and make sure that there isn't any hidden 'stuff' lurking beneath the surface which might want to come out when I don't want it to!
I have found that If I allow expressions to rise and deal with them in the moment, I can then relax and just let my self flow - Unresolved feelings tend to slip out if I don't deal with them right away when they arise! (Not so good!) but of course the perfect time for that to happen isn't always within my control, so I have to acknowledge the issue to my'self' and leave them in a place where I can feel and honour them. If I do this, the right time usually comes up, sooner rather than later and I can air them appropriately.
I'm not too sure why I am telling you this, because I had intended to start by sharing the idea and feelings of 'Divine Longing' - perhaps the feeling of this 'longing' comes from such a pure and uncluttered place that it cannot be felt if there are other concerns on our minds. . ?
'I am an undergraduate slave to the passions of my heart' !
I often suffer from the experience of 'Divine Longing' and it seems odd to use the word 'suffer' because it feels so delicious, but it is a kind of suffering because there is nothing I can do to free myself from it!
I have no control here, I have to let go to it. My procrastinations over the years have allowed me to express a little here and a little there, but since I have wrestled with them (the procrastinations and their roots that is) I am free enough to express a little more. This morning whilst wrangling with this feeling, I realised that 'I am an undergraduate slave to the passions of my heart' - I liked that phrase! so I'm sharing it with you.
I say an 'undergraduate' because as I mention on my page entitled 'Self Re-discovery' I am a beginner and that I must be 'nuts' to attempt to express, in words, this Divine Paradox called Life because however hard I might try to convey the feeling of this beautiful 'essence', we are all a part of by being alive, I just can't! No one can - its an experience - Fortunately, it is often wrapped up in our 'stories', (so compassionately -I bow to my creator here right now for that!) - so that we can express what we feel just by Being who we Are. I am a 'slave' because all I want to do is be The Alchemist and transform everything I do into the passions of my heart and if I don't, none of it really makes sense. I wonder if it can make sense to any one else?
Life moves like a wave, and phases seem to just come and go - one such phase was the need to spontaneously try to capture these insights and longings I was feeling, by writing down in short bursts of prose or poetry, what came up without editing - which was so therapeutic because I was able to accept and appreciate it all because it felt like it came from that part, way beyond my rational mind, but deeply through the portal of my heart and out into the cosmos - no ownership, just appreciation and Simplicity.
Here are a few of them from some years ago, but they still feed me somewhere inside, feels like it is my'self' speaking to me - that feels good - to be heard. Have you any to share? if so, please do, we are not alone in this place!
I S E E you in HER.
I F E E L you in HIM.
I K N O W you in THEM.
YOU are my MIRROR.
REFLECTING just one thing . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . .My SOURCE is Love.
YOU are Love.
THIS should be 'IT',
but 'IT' never 'IS'!
Instead, I brim-over with LONGING;
LONGING to appreciate YOU.
YOU who gathers US together.
To pile on Lavish Offerings . . . . . . . In the hope of equalling this Joy . . . . . . .
but E V E R Y T H I N G can never be DONE.
WE are moving forward
My LIFE, a trail . . . . . . .
. . . . . Our LIVES,
THE creation ‘IS’
= YOUR Perfection.
I S M I L E
I B R E A T H E
I A LLO W
I R E M E M B E R . . . . . .
(Resting in God)
True Love feels like a warm glove –
which fits perfectly.
I snuggle into you.
Pink and soft magenta hues
fill my chest,
a fiery light spills upward into my head -
like mercury 'the messenger' taking flight.
When you are gone,
I snuggle deeper.
This feeling is mine,
it is within my very Being.
Mercury 'the messenger' delivers this message of fiery light -
then takes flight.
I snuggle deeper.
Take a breath, which reminds me of you - then let you go
I snuggle deeper still.
This g(love), so warm and such a perfect fit,
is who I really am.
I give thanks that we are
To be doing what I SHOULD BE DOING - in your love
makes it all worthwhile.
To stop! . . . . . . . . . . Just for a moment,
To experience the Stillness. . .
Listen to your sound.
Be still enough to FEEL your music.
To wait long enough
for a drop of nectar to fall . . .
Fall from a great height and into the deep Ocean of my life.
BE HERE long enough to notice. . . . . . . .
To witness your Joy,
To swim beneath your blankets of everlasting cosyness,
To just lie here and empty myself
Understanding your beauty,
takes me away from Who you REALLY are.
This 'understanding' creates a mental construct -
detachment, between you and me.
'BEING' in this garden, with you my Love . . . .
. . . .Breathing YOUR breath,
fills me with BEAUTY,
Y O U R beauty. . . .
O U R beauty
T H E beauty. . . .
S c i n t i l l a t i n g ! . . . .Vibrating ever so finely,
nudging its way in,
Tickling ever so lightly,
. . . . . . like a feather.
I S M I L E . . . . .
We A L L smile,
J O Y smiles and wings are created in this Bliss,
We float about,
placing little kisses upon everything
in This Garden. . . . .
I am a vessel.
Pour into me, The Light - the liquid of life,
Let me spread it about!
Let me use it as a mirror
Let me see my ‘Self’.
Let me swim within this . . . buoyant
float with delight . . . . take flight,
let me expand with laughter
Embrace the whole of you thereafter,
Cell by cell,
molecule by molecule,
atom by atom.
Source me now!
Fill me with your breath
so I may breathe full colour everywhere,
Join the rainbow of life - embrace all strife,
see the beauty within all life.
Reflect me here with you,
pump joy around my heart,
full and oozing
overflowing into emptiness –
pure and open.
I am a vessel
fill me up to meet you