I gave myself more time, and found the feeling lodged somewhere around my Heart , which I was able to trace to a recent situation where I had been hurt by a friends behaviour. I had hidden it from myself saying "I shouldn't feel like this - why would I let this get to me?" denying that this was actually my reality - but no 'reasoning' could take it away. I could not pretend to feel O.k. about it and deep down I couldn't accept the excuses I had created for my friends behaviour. The fact was I had felt anger and I did not express it. This emotion was now blocking my interaction with my partner and unless I got it out of my system and voiced my hurt I could not be free of it.
This I duly did! Expressed all its 'in's and outs' and like a sudden blast of fresh air I was free of it - the shadow lifted and I felt whole again. {letting go is hard to do - but - free falling is so much fun}
This process of discovering what had hurt me and allowing it full expression, shone a light of stark clarity into my sole/soul purpose in this life of mine, firming up my resolve to live and create fully the expressions of Respect, Allowance and Unity. Thank you dear friend and teacher for reflecting back to me what I most needed to remember.
Shadows are about POLARITY
With Choice we can learn to be the hinge upon which the door of polarity hangs - This 'hinge' is who we really are, it is Awareness.
Without the full expression of one part of our'selves,' we find that the 'other' part is suppressed which is often the root cause of discomfort or dis-ease. With Choice, within Awareness, we are able to witness and enjoy both sides of this 'door' and not be a victim to either, but a full participator - An applauding appreciative audience - in full gratitude for this life - full of feeling and passion together with humility and honouring in awe of what is happening Here and Now.
I wanted to share this great video where Chameli Ardagh talks about the fierceness of Kali and her partnership with Shiva, the Awareness - Both have to be present to offer the gift of Presence, and she expresses it beautifully.